


Bend, Mend

by curiouswildflower



Series: Bend, Mend Verse [1]
Category: Do No Harm (TV)
Genre: (in the sense that Ruben is hurt a lot and then comforted a lot), (isn't every Ruben fic a h/c fic tho), Alternate Universe - Magic, Canon Physical Violence, Canon Retelling, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Other Fade-to-Black Violence, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M, with Post-Canon too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-09 15:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11107113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiouswildflower/pseuds/curiouswildflower
Summary: "Ruben was born with fire in his soul, heat in his heart, lightning in his fingertips. When he’s two days old he slaps a tiny burning handprint onto his mother’s chest, and she knows. She’s never met a bender, but she now she’s created one."--Modern Magic AU





	1. Red in the Morn'

**Author's Note:**

> Completed. Thank you for reading, please let me know if there's anything I should tag or warn for.
> 
> Endless thanks to thisstableground for her support, her ot3, and her flailing. <3

Ruben was born with fire in his soul, heat in his heart, lightning in his fingertips. When he’s two days old he slaps a tiny burning handprint onto his mother’s chest, and she knows. She’s never met a bender, but she now she’s created one.

She doesn’t tell her mother, when she asks about him. Estafánia says they baby is sick; he can’t be held by very many people. She can’t keep it from her husband, and he leaves a few months after Ruben sets fire to the curtains above his crib. “ _He’s too much, Nia. We’d be better without him._ "

Well. She’s better without Raúl.

By the time Ruben is five he has the spontaneity of his fire-bending under control. With the peace of mind this brings her, Estafánia remarries. The next several years bring them Paula and Mercedes, neither of them benders, and Ruben seems happy in their new family. He knows to keep cool, keep calm. He knows not to let other people touch his too-hot skin. He knows, and her heart breaks, but she has to keep him safe.

\--

About two weeks into any new job Ruben figures out how to get onto the roof. At IMH he only takes three days, driven mostly by desperation. His office is full of windows, but none that lead outside, and there’s only so much work he can do without sunlight.

It becomes a routine. The couple hours after the sun rises but before his shift starts Ruben lays on the roof of IMH with his shirt off, doing his best impression of a solar-panel. 

He’s barely talked to anyone other than the lab techs when six weeks later he’s approached by Dr. Jason Cole, head of neurosurgery, with sharp blue eyes and a soft voice saying “Dr. Marcado, I need your help.” It’s a cadence Ruben becomes intimately familiar with.

\--

Early in his school years Ruben learns he can be noticed for his brain. Noticed for the things he does well, not the things he can’t choose. Noticed for his intelligence, not his bending. If he can’t be Normal, then he can be Smart.

Like Jason – Jason notices his brain. Ruben agrees to help him. The decision is made partly on scientific curiosity and partly on the promise that Ruben will get to see more of Jason’s smile and hear more of his praise. 

But at the same time, Ruben intimately understands having something dangerous inside of you. Something you’re terrified of. At least Ruben could learn to control his bending – it would be a unique horror to transition from human to monster without any say.

So, Ruben agrees to help Jason.

\--

Years later, and Ian is immune. As horrible as this probably is for Jason’s social life, Ruben is mostly frustrated that his drug stopped working. And on top of it all, to make a new compound he needs Ian’s saliva. God damn it, as if this wasn’t frustrating enough.

With that devastating whine to his voice Jason says, “No face to face contact, it’s too dangerous.” But there’s a piece inside Ruben’s brain that argues back. Ruben could hurt Ian. He _could_ if he needed to.

Then his opportunity arises. Ruben takes a walk to clear his head and on his way back down to his lab Ian Price himself steps onto the elevator. His trick is working, his cleverness is winning, and then Ian slams him up against the wall and Ruben feels his body flood with fire because he’s never been treated like this and his body just _reacts_ but Ian must not notice how his forehead burns when he smears the gum on his skin.

\--

Ruben, as usual, does what he’s told. Jason says “Work nights, work weekends-“ and Ruben relies on a facet of his biology that he hasn’t utilized in years.

During his doctoral program Ruben learned he could exist without sleep if he had enough time in the sun. Like a solar-powered calculator Ruben’s brain could churn out numbers and equations and enough energy to survive as long as he had reliable access to sunlight. Once Ian is back and steadily ruining Jason’s life Ruben takes to keeping spare clothes in his office. By the time he gets mad enough to try to sell Blackout he hasn’t seen his apartment in weeks.

Then Jason pushes him into an empty room and holds up a business card like it’s a guilty sentence. Ruben knows that card. “What did you do – go through my desk?” 

He’s getting to the end of his patience with Jason’s bullshit. Jason pushes, Jason begs, Jason praises him and he bares his belly. What else did Jason find in his office? He storms out, but then a few days later Jason storms back in and Ruben is, as usual, helpless.

\--

Ruben almost kills a patient. He _begs_ Jason not to do it, he knows the chemistry makes sense but he hasn’t had to use it on anyone and he begs but Jason doesn’t listen. He drags Ruben along and makes him perform CPR on a boy who’s the same age as his sister.

Ruben’s dad, his abuela – so many people were terrified he’d kill because of the heat in his heart. No, it’s his science his _lab_ that almost kills someone. 

“I’ve never done this before,” he tells Jason. And his hands are almost useless, damn near melting the CPR bottle-thing in his terror as the kid’s heart almost doesn’t start again. 

“Yeah I only know how to merengue, the tempo is faster – Why isn’t this _working_?” He might be able to turn his hands into an AED but he doesn’t know if that will help and he might just burn handprints into the kid’s chest and make this whole thing _worse this bullshit always makes his life worse –_

The heart monitor beeps to life and Ruben almost faints. He can hear Jason panting in relief and his adrenaline makes his voice squeak as he says, “Yeah I don’t know what you were worried about, that was really easy.”

\--

Jason and Ian start cycling randomly. Ruben had begged Jason not to take the kill drug, it wasn’t ready yet, but of course _of course_ he didn’t listen. And now Ruben has almost been killed at least twice in the last four hours and he’s still in a taxi behind Jason’s on the way to IMH to keep going keep trying to fix this.

Downstairs as he’s set up on dialysis Jason says “You can do this. You are in control.” Ruben doesn’t believe him, but he never believed his mom either and he’s done okay keeping his fire locked away so maybe he really can pull this off.

They transition, and Ruben watches from his lab. At least he’s not there, at least he’s somewhere comfortable, at least he has extra clothes here if he literally pisses himself or something because holy shit he does not want to die today. 

Ian is making demands and _counting_ “Please stop counting, it’s very difficult to concentrate-“ this is the most scared Ruben’s ever been and he _begs_ why is he always _begging_ with Jason and Ian they never listen “Please, this is the only way to get you to stop transitioning-“ 

And as soon as he says it he knows it’s the wrong thing. He’s revealed himself now. Ian agrees to sit for the rest of the hour and Ruben prays his thanks to a variety of gods he doesn’t believe in.

Not even a half hour later Ian pulls the needle out of his arm and Ruben can’t _breathe_ why does Ian keep _doing this_. Ruben has to go down to the basement to stop Ian from dying and he tries to lie about who he is but he’s so scared, he’s so out of control, Ian finds him out immediately. Ian figures out everything while Ruben bandages his arm. Ian figures out _everything_ and Ruben tries to defend himself, tries to get away, but he isn’t fast enough and there’s fire in his fingertips and he’s never felt less in control. 

Ian chokes him until he’s light headed and ties him to the bed. The dialysis needle being shoved into the muscle of his arm is the most painful thing he’s ever felt and he can feel literal fire try to burn it out of his body _what is this foreign thing, that’s not how this works_ but if he has control over anything he has control over his fire and he passes out before he burns the hospital down.

He wakes up probably thirty seconds before Jason comes barreling into the room, even though he doesn’t know it’s Jason until he hears the way Jason says “ _Ruben_ -“ and by then he’s too overwhelmed to respond because holy fuck Ian wrote on the wall with his fucking _blood what the fuck._

Ruben begs Jason to not use the shock therapy, but Jason starts transitioning and says “If you won’t do it to me, do it to him.”

When Ruben presses the button to send the first shock he has an incredible urge to press his own fingertips against Ian’s temples instead and shock Ian with _his_ electricity. He could do this without the machine, without the readings. And he _wants_ to shock him. Would burn Ian out of Jason’s brain if he could.

Jason’s been out for hours, and Ruben is glad he wakes up at all, but then it takes only moments before he starts transitioning _again_ and honestly Ruben feels like he might pass out again from all the floods of hot and cold, adrenaline and relief.

He finally does it. Ruben gets them back on schedule, finally. 

Jason says “I don’t know if I can live with that normal anymore” and Ruben has the very specific desire to slap him. He knows what it’s like to have an abnormal life, and he knows what it’s like to be so close to done with it, and he’s just about done with Jason’s impatience.

\--

Ruben decides to go home for dinner. He misses his mama and his sisters and he misses this house. Mama promised to make tres de leches and his stomach growls even as he casts wary glances around the street.

Ruben should have guessed. Ruben should have known. Ian is there, of course. There is nothing of Ruben’s that is sacred anymore. He should have known that when Ian was willing to push into Ruben’s professional spaces he would push into Ruben’s personal spaces too.

It doesn’t stop Ruben from the realization that if Ian threatens his family Ruben would reveal himself in an instant to protect them. This is where Ruben learned to control his fire, and this is where he’ll use it if Ian so much as tightens his grip where his arm rests over Mercedes’s shoulders.

And Mama can’t tell. It breaks open his heart down a fault line that has been there for twenty years. Mama wants Ruben to be safe, and being safe means being Normal, and being Normal means going out with your friends for the night. Ruben’s done lots of things in his life to convince Mama that he knows how to be Normal, and he’ll do this too.

\--

At the rave, in Oz’s apartment – _is it his apartment?_ – Ian is complimenting Ruben’s chemistry, which is quite the change from how furious he was like 48 hours ago when he thought that chemistry was being used against him.

Ian says “This is your superpower.”

And Ruben says “It’s really not.”

But he doesn’t know if he’d call his fire-bending his super power either. He used to, when he was little. As his brain churns out numbers and equations to make this drug for Oz, Ruben is flooded with memories about pretending to be a superhero – reading about them, finding peace in the idea that _Ruben Marcado_ was his secret identity. His first love was the Human Torch from the Fantastic Four, because in another life Ruben could _be_ the Human Torch.

But that made Mama nervous, so Ruben finds Storm. She can control lightning, and Ruben’s never made _lightning_ but he knows he can make electricity and that’s not so different. And anyway, there were enough X-Men that Mama wasn’t nervous anymore.

\--

They love his drug and a piece of his brain says _well of course they do_ but his voice cracks when he asks Ian “Can I go home now?”

Ian starts yelling bullshit at him about taking control of his life. He hears Jason in the basement saying “You’re in control.” And his Mama telling him “Just learn to control it, _mijo_ , and you can be safe.” And he takes the fucking pill.

Besides, what was his other option? It’s not like he could walk out of the rave and hope Ian was cool to party on his own for a while. Forty-five minutes ago Ian taunted Ruben with the idea that he can’t run away and twenty minutes before that Ian threatened Ruben’s family.

If Ruben is going to stay, he’s going to use his own drug to get out of his head.

\--

Destiny shoves him back on the bed and holy shit this is a totally different heat but one Ruben is reeling in. Only a few minutes later Oz shoves him back against a desk and threatens him with that little knife and Ruben’s drug is still coursing through his veins so he has less control as the heat in his groin becomes a more familiar heat in his bones and he feels fire in his mouth when he says “She’s a very attractive lady.”

He can’t meet Oz’s eyes, he has lightning racing in his arms as Oz makes Destiny leave the room. Ruben tries to rationalize, tries to say “This is a big misunderstanding, we can go find Ian-“

But there’s no rationalizing with Oz. He tries to offer more drugs but then Oz all but promises to mutilate Ruben with that little knife. Ruben feels the phantom pain of the dialysis needle in his arm and his blood on the wall and he’d like to _not see any more of his blood thank you very much_ but right as the static starts rising off his skin Ian bursts into the room and tackles Oz to the bed.

He essentially blacks out with the surge of relief and adrenaline and comes to as they run through the warehouse. He still has his pink backpack on, he’s sweating under his layers but that might be because his blood is about a million degrees inside his body. 

Ruben touches the metal rail as they run up the stairs and a spark shocks loud and bright from his hand. Ian turns around to shout “What was that?” but as Ruben chokes on his answer Ian decides it’s not worth figuring out and starts running up the stairs again.

They have no more options and Ian says “Okay, we might die” and Ruben did not get this far to die here in this fucking warehouse with Ian. They jump out the window and Ruben’s body sparks to life again without his say. 

The glass around them shatters with the electricity. They land on a truck and Ruben’s hands leave scalding marks on the metal. 

Ian says “What the fuck, Ruben-“ as he grabs Ruben’s wrist to drag him off the hood of the truck but then Ian flinches away, his palm pink like a sunburn and shouts “What is going on?”

Ruben shoves Ian to keep running to the car. Ruben’s body is producing enough static that when Ian touches the keys a shock darts between his fingers and the metal.

“Are you doing this?” Ian shouts as the car screeches out of the alley, and Ruben considers throwing himself out of the car. Ian knows _Ian knows._

“I’m, I’m not- I don’t know what-”

“Ruben, are you a fire bender?” and _Ian knows_. For all the ways his life has been threatened in the last month, this is the most dangerous thing Ian has ever said to him.

“Please worry about driving.” Ruben whispers. There’s no hiding this.

“Answer my question.”

“Yes.”

Ruben feels tears behind his eyes. He’s never told another person. “Please, don’t tell Jason.”

Ian’s quiet for an uncomfortably long time. “I won’t.” he agrees. “But you’re going to help me kill him with that drug you’re making.”

\--

Ruben only sleeps that night because of how hard the drug crashes in his system. He spends the next few days away from his office, drinking coffee and puzzling over equations and sitting for hours in the sun. Jason and Ian are amassing voicemails on his phone, but Ruben doesn’t listen to any of them before he goes back to his lab.

He should just make a Jason-sized doggie door because Jason bursts into his lab, all out of breath and upset about how “Ian knows.”

Yeah, Ruben knows Ian knows. He can barely sleep with that knowledge. Less than five people know about Ruben’s bending and Ian is one of them.

Ruben’s anger leaks into his response. “What would you have said? ‘Oh Ruben, stop, it’s too dangerous’?” and Jason doesn’t deny his apathy for Ruben’s safety which is just fucking perfect.

Then Jason drops that he has a son. _Of course he does._ Ruben wants to ask “Is there something wrong with his brain too?” but there’s something wrong with Ruben’s brain, after all, so he swallows the words.

Jason leaves because it’s 8:10pm, and thirty minutes later Ian is back at the lab. He might as well have sat right there and transitioned, it’s not like Ruben’s any safer when Jason leaves anymore.

Ruben can feel his skin ache for sunlight – he spoiled himself with the past few days of it. His screensaver says Montego Bay and he can imagine laying on a beach in the smallest swim trunks he can get away with, letting the sun soak into his very bones.

He tunes back in to hear Ian say “Think of all the good things that will happen if you make the drug, and think of all the bad things that will happen if you don’t, fire breather.”

Ruben knows Ian doesn’t give two fucks about the science behind why this is so complicated but he’s babbling and his brain is working four steps ahead of his mouth and he doesn’t catch himself until Ian says “Very very complicated” right in sync with him.

Right, Ian’s still a giant ass hole, even about the shit he needs Ruben for. Good. _Great._

Then his computer beeps with a successful trial. If only Ruben could use his heat to melt himself into the floor. He explains to Ian that he has to use it during their transition, and Ian settles himself on the floor.

Time passes in a blur. Eventually Ian pulls a lighter out of his pocket and starts flicking it on and off. Ruben says “Please don’t smoke in here,” quietly from across the room. 

Ian just laughs. “I’m not the one at risk of setting off the smoke detectors.” 

Ruben leans his head on the cabinets again and tries not to cry. 

\--

Some indiscernible amount of time passes before Ian gets bored and says “You know what I’ve been thinking, Ruby, is-“

-and Ruben might be intimately familiar with Ian’s neurotransmitters but the last thing he wants is to hear what Ian thinks about-

“You’re like my little campfire. I had a need, and so I built you out of nothing. You burn bright, but only in your little stone circle. And you, Ruben, are just perfect for me. You can cook me food, you can keep me warm. But you have to remember.”

Ian’s voice has gone as dangerous as Ruben has ever heard it, and he makes himself meet Ian’s eyes. 

“I am going to put you out the moment you stop being useful for me. After all, if you start getting big ideas, you could be very dangerous. So stay in your stone circle, Ruben. And I won’t have to douse you.”

\--

Ruben and Ian spend twelve hours together in his lab. It’s 8:21am, and Ian says “Think about what’s important to you.”

Ruben doesn’t want to do this. He’s always been told he was dangerous, that any bender is dangerous, but he doesn’t want to see it to fruition. He’s not dangerous, he won’t kill another person, but-

“And you won’t tell? You’ll leave me alone? Leave my family alone?” he’s begging again. He needs this to be over.

Ian agrees, so he does it. He pushes the drug into Ian’s arm. He’s a murder.

But – Ian starts to transition? Ruben’s brain is thinking in chemical equations but he knows enough to _run_ as Ian accuses him of lying and slams him against the door, choking him _again_.

Ruben would shock him, would burn him, but it’s been 18 hours since Ruben was last in the sun and even buried in the chaos of his dissertation Ruben has never gone this long without it. He feels weak and tired and weepy, a match blown out and shaken, and it doesn’t help that Ian is _choking him to death against the door-_

The transition settles. Ruben can hear someone running, but the sound doesn’t register.

\--

A couple hours later and he finds Jason - “It works!”

Ruben knows the drug works, he did his job. But huddled in a hallway Jason asks for 8 more hours and he says “Ian knows everything” and Ruben sees Ian with the lighter in his mind’s eye and Ruben caves again. If he caves any more he’s going to collapse.

A couple hours more and there’s a rush in his blood as they figure out the chip – Ruben might finally be free of all this finally. Then Dr. Young suspends them. Ruben loses track of time as they move his equipment to Jason’s house because he doesn’t understand how this can be happening. It has to have been eight hours by now. 

He chains Jason to the radiator, and doesn’t feel bad about it at all. Back downstairs, his vision goes fuzzy as he hears Ian start screaming and he lives singed fingerprints on the paper he sticks between test tubes with “sorry” scrawled across it.

He goes to his lab to pack. Josh wants to know where he’s going, and all he can think about is the sun. He needs to be in the sun, he needs to feel warm again. He’s never tested how long he can go without light, but he feels like he’s toeing the edge of his endurance. He can barely feel the heat inside his heart, and Jamaica makes a lot of sense.

\--

His flight is delayed.

_Titanium._

The pilot as he boards says “-sunny Jamaica!” and Ruben orders himself a drink. He hopes it comes with an umbrella.

Then Ian sits next to him.

\--

Ian sits down next to him, and tells him about his screen saver. Ruben might be losing consciousness between bursts of comprehension, but he hears Ian say “There’s one file you didn’t delete” as he taps Ruben’s forehead. Ruben is tired, and he’s tired of being reduced to a useful brain that disappointingly needs sleep and food and sunlight.

Ruben wonders if he feels as cold to the touch as he does inside. Ian says they’ll have a great time in Jamaica, says that it’ll be a quick trip – _a quick turn-around, for me._ And Ruben knows exactly what he’s promising. Looks down at his lap, whispers “This can’t be happening.”

They talk about the police. Ian teases him, the police aren’t going to believe him. “Look at me, I’m Jason Cole.” 

He’s rich, successful, and white. Ruben is brown. And a bender. 

Ruben threatens to kill him. He _could_ , in the truest meaning of the word could. He almost did, yet he hates that he still doesn’t know if he _would_ if he had the opportunity.

“Stop trying to threaten me, Ruben. It’s not working. You’re a campfire, remember? And I have the water ready to put you out.”

Ian is preaching at him about survival. Ian doesn’t know the half of it. For the last two months all Ruben has done is survive. Ian may have called him a campfire but Ruben knows – Ruben knows he’s turning into a forest fire. 

Buried deep in the forest, unnoticeable to anyone who could help. Burning himself out of existence while he serves his purpose to the lifecycle of this ecosystem. _Drink to survival._ If Ruben is the fire, Jason and Ian are the forest, benefiting from his destruction.


	2. Sailors Be Warned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamaica. specific warnings at the end of the chapter.

Ruben hears the announcement overhead as he’s dragged behind Ian through the airport. “Welcome to Montego Bay, Jamaica! The local time is 2:18AM.” 

Six hours. If Ruben can keep Ian happy for another six hours then Jason will let him go.

Which starts with letting Ian hold his hand instead of his wrist. Letting Ian pull him past baggage claim without getting his suitcase. Keeping his eyes down and his mouth shut as Ian rents a car. Putting his head between his knees in the passenger seat so he can’t see where they’re going. Ruben submits to every one of Ian’s demands, praying and praying that it’ll earn Ian’s kindness. Or at least will make him less angry.

Twenty minutes later, Ruben feels Ian park the car.

“Stay here.”

So Ruben stays. He breathes as deeply as he can manage and he stares down at his backpack between his feet. At least he still has his passport and wallet with him, for when Jason lets him go.

It’s not too long before Ian opens the passenger door, grabbing Ruben roughly by the arm. Ruben instinctively takes his backpack with him as Ian yanks him out of the car. The air is hot on his face as Ruben is pulled down the sidewalk of a run-down strip mall, passing restaurants and a clothing store and a bookstore. 

Ian stops in front of a restaurant and pulls out a pocket knife. Ruben thinks _this is a weird place for Ian to kill me_ before Ian crouches down and starts picking the lock on the front door. A sign above his head says “Sorry, on vacation! Will reopen on October 28th.”

The door pops open and Ian stands. He turns to look at Ruben with smirk on his lips and an angry set to his eyes. 

“Hungry, Ruby Tuesday?”

 

\--

It feels harder and harder to keep calm and cooperative as Ian drags Ruben back through the dark empty restaurant. Ruben’s heart burns like reflux as Ian kicks open the door to the kitchen, _which is a little dramatic considering we're the only ones here_ , and shoves Ruben in front of him. Ian flips on the lights, looking around at God knows what. Ruben looks down at his own shoes.

“You won’t need this.” is the only warning Ruben has before Ian yanks his backpack off his shoulder and drops it against the wall. Ruben shoves down his anger, shoves down his urge to grab his bag, to shout _“Hey, ass hole, my computer is in there”_ along with a lot of other things he wouldn’t mind shouting at Ian.

But he doesn’t. Stay cool. In control.

If he behaves, he survives. Same rules as at school, though he was less likely to die then.

“You didn’t answer my question earlier, Ruben. That was pretty rude.”

Ruben doesn’t react, doesn’t look up. He keeps himself still, thinks about his breathing.

Suddenly a hand fists in his hair, pulling his head up sharply. He cries out on instinct, and cries out again as Ian smacks him with an open palm. 

“Look at me when I’m talking to you. I always knew you were a liar, Ruben. Knew you were a pain in the ass.” The more he talks the harder he pulls on Ruben’s hair. Ruben blinks tears out of his eyes.

He lets Ruben go and shoves past him. He shouts, “I asked if you were hungry, Ruben.”

“No, thank you.” Ruben chokes out. He hears Ian banging around, throwing open doors and drawers shoving around these peoples’ possessions. He doesn’t want to look at Ian but he doesn’t want to be surprised by him, so he turns just slightly to keep him in his line of sight. He breathes past the burning in his heart, and stays calm.

Ruben glances over when he hears the _click click click_ of Ian starting a burner on the stove. He can’t see anything laid out next to Ian, and something cold and creeping curls in his stomach.

Ian looks right at him. “Come help me cook, Ruben.”

It’s not a suggestion. Ruben slowly makes his way over, trying to read Ian’s eyes. There’s a heavy set to his brow, a stern tightness to his mouth. It’s not a face Ruben’s really ever seen on Jason or Ian before, and his stomach twists again at the idea that he doesn’t know how to read it.

He stands next to Ian, who looks Ruben over. Ruben feels cold under that icy gaze and tries not to shiver.

“Roll up your sleeves. Don’t want to ruin that nice shirt, do we?”

Ruben does what he says. Cuffs unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Ian seems satisfied with that, and suddenly reaches out to twist Ruben’s right arm tight behind his back. Ruben ends up with his belly pressed against the edge of the stove and Ian against his back with his right arm twisted painfully between them. Ian leans forward just enough to look over Ruben’s shoulder and his next command is spoken right into Ruben’s ear.

“Get me that pan, will you?”

There’s only one pan he could mean, sitting on the counter next to them. Ruben actively tries not to let his hand shake as he picks it up. He goes to set it over the lit burner in front of him and Ian digs his fingers so painfully into Ruben’s twisted arm that Ruben’s vision goes blurry.

“No, Ruben.” He sounds disapproving, like a scolding parent. “I want it on the back burner.”

Ruben’s breath huffs harsh out of his mouth as he tries to breathe through the pain of Ian’s grip on his right arm. He reaches out and sets the pan on the far burner, _just like Ian asked, just do exactly as Ian asks-_

All at once, Ian grabs Ruben’s left elbow, pushes on his back, and shoves Ruben’s left forearm directly into the lit flame of the front burner.

Ruben screams on instinct, the flare of intense heat shocking him. He can smell the hair on his arm singeing and he’s panting, eyes squeezed shut against the pain and-

And his skin isn’t burning.

He hears Ian grunt in frustration and he opens his eyes to see the flame licking up on either side of his forearm. He just isn’t burning. It doesn’t even feel particularly hot, once he focuses on the sensation.

Ian drags Ruben back, then turns and shoves him forward. Ian is cursing under his breath but Ruben can barely hear him, his head ringing with the realization that he can’t be burned. His skin, his body, won’t let fire harm him. 

Ian marches him over to a far corner of the kitchen, to where a group of folding chairs sits empty under posters about safety protocols and an electronic time clock. Ruben catches the time and tries not to whimper when he sees it’s only 4am. 

_Four and a half hours, just four and a half hours-_

Ian shoves Ruben into one of the folding chairs, barking at him to “Stay here.”

Ruben grips the arms of the chairs and tries to breathe deep enough to clear his buzzing brain. He watches Ian stalk over and shut off the burner, then immediately turn and punch the back wall. Ruben flinches. If being fireproof makes Ian this mad, Ruben’s not so sure he’s grateful for it. His left forearm smarts like a new sunburn, but when he darts a glance down, the skin isn’t even pink.

Ian puts both hands on the wall where he just punched and lets his head drop between his arms. Ruben can’t fathom what he has to feel exasperated about.

“You know, Ruben.” Ian says, almost sounding dejected. “You’re a real freak.”

Ruben’s breath catches and his heart aches but he doesn’t make a sound.

“You’re a fucking monster, Ruben.” Ian looks up, laughing sharply. “You think I’m cruel? You think I’m wild? You don’t burn, Ruben! And I’ve seen you make sparks. You- you scalded metal!”

Ian’s voice is raising and he throws out his arms, turning to face Ruben. “You think there’s something wrong with me?! You’re _disgusting_.”

Tears burn behind Ruben’s eyes. The words aren’t anything he hasn’t heard about other benders, but not so directly. Not from the mouth of someone who explicitly promised to hurt him.

The manic smile drops from Ian’s face, his arms drop to his sides. He considers Ruben, walking toward him slowly. Ruben’s heart is beating so hard he might have a heart attack before Ian reaches his chair.

“You deserve to feel this too, Ruben.” He says softly. He glances at a closet, obviously thinking something over. Ruben doesn’t look away from his face. “You deserve to be hurt, Ruben. You deserve to know the kind of damage you can do to others.”

Ruben doesn’t know what he _means_. Ian tried to burn him, it didn’t _work._

“Ian, I never hurt you when-“

“You tried to kill me with your little drug, Ruben, you locked me away for five years-“

“Yes, but that wasn’t my bending-“

“Oh,” Ian’s eyebrows raise, his voice takes on a teasing tone. “Oh, so you want me to give you a taste of what it feels like to have someone ruin your brain?”

Ruben chokes on his breath, squirming in his chair. “No, Ian, I’m just-“

“Shut up.”

Ruben’s teeth click as his jaw shuts automatically. He can feel his arms tingle with electricity, his legs burn with flames.

The doors of the supply closet bang against the wall as Ian throws them open. Ruben hears him snap, “Take off your clothes. Get on the floor.”

Ruben’s body burns for a whole new reason. “Ian-“

“Don’t. Disobey me.”

Ruben’s hands shake as he works at the buttons on his shirt. He hears Ian shuffling around in the closet as he slowly strips. The air of the kitchen feels freezing on his bare skin.

“How do you-“

“Lay down, on your back.”

Ian appears in the doorway. Ruben hurries to follow instructions, laying down right where he stands. Ian moves closer, eyes roaming across Ruben’s naked body. Ruben feels tears gather in his eyes.

Ian lifts a bottle – drain cleaner. _Holy shit, oh my God_ \- Ruben instinctively pushes himself up on his arms, shouting “No, Ian please-“

Ian plants a foot on Ruben’s shoulder and shoves him back to the ground. Ruben’s head smacks against the concrete and his vision goes blurry but that might be from his tears.

“There are other kinds of burns, Ruben.” Ian says quietly. He steps over Ruben’s chest with one leg and then sinks to his knees, holding Ruben’s arms tight against his body. 

“You’re not going to move. Because you deserve this. You deserve to be hurt, because your body is meant to hurt.”

Kneeling up, straddled across Ruben’s stomach, Ian opens the cap. Ruben’s breath heaves in his chest, he can’t help it, and he screams as the cleaner sinks into his skin.

 

\--

Ruben sits in the freezer, in his boxers, curled as tight as he can make himself. His breath puffs out of his body hot as a furnace, keeping his hands and feet warm from where they’re tucked up against him. His tight posture pulls on his wounds – zig zagged lines of sodium hydroxide burns bright pink against his tan skin.

In his desperation to live until 8:25am, Ruben didn’t factor in the chance that Ian would leave the restaurant before he transitioned. Two hours early, in fact.

Two hours of pouring thin lines of drain cleaner across Ruben’s skin in peaks that felt like mountains but that Ruben eventually realized probably resembled flames.

Then two hours before they transitioned, Ian locked Ruben in the freezer with a promise that if he could keep himself alive for fourteen hours Ian would get him back out.

Ruben doesn’t know if he wants to be alive when Ian gets back, but he also has never not survived.

Ruben puffs out another burst of hot air and doesn’t think about how long it’s been since he’s seen sunlight.

 

\--

Ruben is sleepy and hungry when he hears a click from outside the freezer door. It swings open to reveal Ian, who looks nothing more than curious. Ruben makes himself look up, meet his eyes.

“Aw, is your wick still burning, little candle?” 

Ruben shivers, doesn’t say anything.

“Don’t worry, I know how to stoke your flame.”

 

\--

His second night in Jamaica passes in a couple major blurs. The first consists of standing with his back pressed up against Ian’s chest as he uses his cold, clumsy hands to heat up soup. He doesn’t know where Ian found soup, he doesn’t know what Ian told Jason to keep him from leaving Jamaica, he doesn’t know if he’s going to survive so it doesn’t really matter.

When the soup is boiling Ian pours it into a mug, shoving it into Ruben’s still shaking hands.

“Hot soup is the best remedy for a cold, Ruben.”

Ruben understands what he’s meant to do. It hurts, swallowing the boiling broth, but he’s pretty confident it won’t do any lasting damage to his body. It almost makes him feel better, in the way it replicates how his fire feels when it starts sparking through him.

The second blur consists of three parts.

First, Ian ties Ruben to the folding chair with zip ties.

Second, Ian moves away and Ruben doesn’t even try to watch what he’s doing.

Third, Ian spends several hours outlining Ruben’s burns with a hot knife.

Ruben feels barely conscious. He keeps drifting through the pain, wading through it and trying to keep his head down and survive it. He thinks he might be muttering. Either “Please kill me” or “Please let me live” is just as likely.

Every so often Ian will remind them both of his justification.

“You deserve to be marked, Ruben.” 

“You’re dangerous, Ruben. People should be warned about what lives inside you.”

At one point Ruben opens his eyes and the first thing he notices when his vision clears is that Ian is hard in his jeans. Ruben whimpers, and submits.

 

\--

Then, sunlight.

The first sunlight Ruben has felt in days.

And Ian is rooting through the office all the way across the kitchen. _Probably got bored when I passed out._

Ruben glances at the time clock next to his head – 8:20am. 

A gentle lick of flame curls through his body. The sun, the time. Ian didn’t leave – Jason’s going to let him out-

“Fuck!”

Ian comes barreling out of the office, a gun tucked into his front pocket and a wad of cash in his right hand.

“Fuck, Jason, shit-“

Ian sprints out of the room toward the front of the restaurant and Ruben distantly hears the front door slam behind him. The tires screech as Ian peels out of the parking lot because of course he drives like he’s in a car chase.

The sun shifts higher in the sky, flooding through the windows along the back wall. Ruben squirms instinctively, hissing when the movement pulls at his wounds. He feels the sun pour over his skin, feels the heat spark in his blood, the light burn in his heart. 

He will not live through another night with Ian.

So, he will not live through another night with Ian.

He grips the arms of the chair, focusing his heat on the zip ties. It takes a few minutes but they start to melt, and he gasps out as he pulls his wrists out of the gooey plastic. Ruben stands, wobbling on his feet, and slaps a hand out to hold himself up. He stands and lets the sun pours over his skin and the spark in his blood becomes a flame. The light in his heart becomes lightning. 

He pushes away from the wall and looks around. His clothes are in a heap next to his backpack at the door to the dining room. Ruben finds himself grateful for Ian’s narcissism, that he would be so convinced Ruben couldn’t leave that he didn’t stash his stuff.

Dressing is painful against his wounds. Lifting his backpack is hard in his exhaustion.

But his body does what it does best, and the star inside him becomes a supernova.

 

\--

When his flight lands in Miami, the first thing Ruben does is go to the beach.

He should track down his suitcase. He should call his mom.

He finds a beach. He doesn’t take off his clothes, the bandages he wound around his wounds at the Montego Bay airport would draw too much attention.

But he sits in the sand, breathes in the ocean, and lets the sun warm him to his very bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter contains: kidnapping, intent to burn with fire, actual chemical burns, and knife violence
> 
> He survives. Next chapter? Finding his new place in the world, in a little neighborhood called Washington Heights.


	3. Red at Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Washington Heights. Benny, Usnavi, Vanessa. <3

Six months. A job. An apartment. New York City.

What is he thinking?

Ruben stands in the empty living room at his new apartment in Washington Heights. The listing said it was furnished, but besides the double bed and the kitchen table there isn’t anything else. _At least it has a microwave and fridge._

He shivers, pulls his sweater down until he can hold the sleeves in his fists. _And air conditioning._

But the fridge is just as empty as the living room, and he needs to fix that because his stomach keeps growling and the only other option is getting food from a restaurant and. _No._

Just a couple blocks away down streets dotted with colorful flags he finds a bodega on the corner. Ruben bites at his bottom lip as he pushes open the door, but no one is at the counter to shout a greeting at him so he disappears down what he hopes is the correct aisle.

He spends a couple minutes staring at the racks of boxed meals, stomach twisting painfully as he tries to imagine himself cooking mac and cheese at his stove. _That’s a no._

He grabs several microwave meals, regretting not looking for a shopping basket at the door. Ruben considers getting frozen meals but the idea of a freezer door – _another no._

He keeps his head ducked and turns toward the counter when he literally runs into someone.

“Whoa!” the guy shouts as Ruben’s meals scatter on the floor. Ruben crouches down to start picking them up and his heart is beating so loud in his ears it takes him a minute to realize the guy is still talking to him.

“-didn’t think I was that sneaky, man, sorry I just-“

“It’s okay.” Ruben chokes out, resolutely looking at the floor. He stands, sees the guy shove his hands in his pockets in his periphery. His silver watch shines against skin tan like Ruben’s, and Ruben still can’t process his rambling but he sounds as non-threatening as he looks from the waist down.

“I’m going to check out.”

_Shit, I think I interrupted him. Come on, Ruben._

“Oh! Good. Follow me, this is actually my store.”

Ruben looks up as they walk back to the front, dread curling in his sore stomach at the thought that he’s been so rude to the neighborhood bodega guy. If he was trying to fit in to a new neighborhood that doesn’t seem like a good start.

The guy slaps his hand on the counter as he spins around it and Ruben dumps his meals in between them. He tugs his sweater sleeves down again, pretending to look at the candy rack next to him as the guy starts scanning his meals.

“Don’t like cooking?”

Ruben flinches before he can stop himself. His mind flashes with the _stove_ and _soup_ and _cleaner_ and _freezer_ in quick succession and he presses his burning fingertips against each other.

“No.”

The guy hums, soft and considering. Ruben feels awful what a terrible first impression-

“What’s your name?” In his effort to make sure the words don’t get stuck in his throat Ruben nearly shouts at the guy. Ruben sees him startle out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh. I’m Usnavi. Can I ask – are you visiting? Or are you new?”

“Um.” Ruben risks a glance up, catches a dark beard and black hat and dark eyes, and rubs over his mouth with his sleeve. “I’m new. I’m Ruben.”

“Nice to meet you, Ruben!” Usnavi sounds like sunshine, light and genuine and excited. Ruben blushes under his enthusiasm, looks down as he fumbles in his pocket for his wallet.

He pays for his food and takes his bag without comment. He turns to leave, barely remembering to tell Usnavi goodbye.

He’s almost to the door when Usnavi shouts “Wait!”

Ruben freezes, electricity flooding down his arms. Usnavi appears in front of him and Ruben breathes breathes breathes through his racing heart.

“Here, _café con leche_ on the house. Welcome to _el barrio_.”

He all but shoves a little cup into Ruben’s free hand, and Ruben loses his breath again when their fingers brush, praying he doesn’t shock Usnavi on accident.

“ _Gracias_.” He whispers.

Usnavi holds open the door for him. “ _De nada. Adios, Ruben!_ ”

Back in his apartment Ruben leaves his food on the kitchen table because seeing the stove out of the corner of his eye sparks a painful itch along his skin. He takes a shower in the dark and loses the rest of his day to a cycle of sleeping and dissociating. He’ll call Mama back tomorrow.

 

\--

He doesn’t call Mama back tomorrow.

He doesn’t eat either.

He spends the day seeing ghosts in the corner of his vision, hears Ian in his head shouting at him to come help him cook. Tries to shower and hears Ian telling him to strip, sees Ian hard in his jeans.

He finds his way to the roof. He’s not sure how safe the climb is, but he needs sunlight. He keeps his sweater and jeans on, but not for the April chill that clings to the breeze. He sleeps in the sun and he wakes up and cries until he falls back asleep.

At least in the sun he is safe.

He’ll call Mama tomorrow.

 

\--

Bringing his car to New York seemed like a bad idea, so Ruben memorizes his train route on the first day to his new job. A little community college, buried in the middle of the city. They were floored by his credentials but he begged them not to require references, so he’s grateful they still gave him the position.

Ruben has several classes lined up, including three different levels of chemistry. They’d asked if he was interested in reviving a course they discontinued a few years ago when the professor retired – a sort of history of pharmaceutical ethics. Ruben turned it down.

A different elective course caught his attention when he first looked up the school – their website advertises a course on how medicine interacts with bending. The course description doesn’t even look all that damning – just a scientific exploration of how common medicines interact with the body chemistries of benders. Ruben’s program had a class on bending suppressants, but nothing like this.

Ruben entertains the idea of sitting down with the professor, discussing the research he’s done and where he could go next, but. He thinks of Mama, of Abuela, of Ian.  
He’ll stick with Chem 100 for now.

 

\--

The train back is considerably more crowded, and his skin and brain are buzzing from having to talk and answer questions all day. Ruben finds a seat in the back of his car, leans his head against the wall and berates himself for forgetting his headphones.

Someone plops down next to him in a puff of sleek hair and smooth confidence.

“You look like my boyfriend.”

Ruben looks up, catching bright eyes and sharp makeup and bare shoulders.

“That’s an interesting come on.” It’s out of his mouth before he can consider how it will come across to this _stranger_ when he notices she’s cackling.

“I call it like I see it.” she says, pulling her bag onto her lap and crossing her long legs.

“How do you see it?” he asks.

There’s a glint in her eyes. “The guy across from us isn’t wearing his wedding ring.”

Ruben glances over and she’s right. “He’s not cute enough to be cheating on his wife. I think he’s lazy.”

The girl giggles, covering her mouth with her hand. Ruben smiles, a small tight-lipped thing.

He looks around the train car, then leans in to whisper “How do you think that guy sprained his wrist?”

The girl finds the guy Ruben is talking about, then looks back at Ruben and waggles her eyebrows. “Oh come on, he’s too cute to be that lonely.”

This time it’s Ruben who giggles, ducking his face into the top of his backpack. 

“No trust me, I’m a doctor.”

She arches her eyebrow like she invented the move. “Nice to meet you, Dr.?”

“Dr. Marcado.” He’s said it a couple times today and it feels good in his mouth every time.

“Dr. Marcado.” The girl nods. “Miss Garcia.”

“Well, Miss Garcia, do you think that woman knows she looks exactly like her dog?”

Miss Garcia laughs so loud a couple people turn their heads, and Ruben doesn’t duck to hide his smile.

 

\--

Three weeks on the same rotation of dry packaged meals and Ruben decides this is the day he’s going to get food from the freezer. He won’t have to touch his stove, he can still microwave it all. But he aches for some variety.

Usavni is at the counter talking Benny who Ruben met last week and is still fairly intimidated by, so Ruben just returns Usnavi’s wave and heads down the freezer aisle.

He takes a deep breath, feels the heat under his skin, and opens the door between him and the frozen meals.

The blast of cold air hits him, envelopes him, and he’s frozen solid.

He comes to a little later, curled on the floor and breathing hot air against his hands. Benny is crouched in front of him, an anxious crinkle between his eyebrows. Usnavi paces behind him, chewing at his thumb nail.

“Ruben?” Benny’s voice is soft. He reaches out a hand and Ruben nods. Benny settles his hand on Ruben’s upper arm.

“Are you having a panic attack?” he asks. Ruben nods again. Usnavi makes a distressed noise.

“What do you need?” 

Ruben shakes his head, squeezing his knees against his chest.

“My wife always wants fresh air after she has a panic attack. Think you can walk out to the sidewalk with me?”

Ruben searches his face. The breath still puffing onto his hands isn’t too-hot anymore, and his body feels less electric. He nods again.

Benny uses the hand he has on Ruben’s arm to help him stand. Usnavi follows closely after them as they walk outside, sitting on the curb.

“You okay, man? Do you know what triggered it?”

Ruben shrugs. _That’s a long story._

“Aight, I understand. Nina started getting panic attacks in college, she’d call me and have no idea what was happening. Eventually I looked that shit up online, wanted to be more help to her. I learned a little from Google and she learned a lot from a counselor out at school.”  
Ruben doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this information about Benny, but he soaks it in as he shakes off the chill still clinging to his spine. Usnavi sits quietly on Benny’s other side, his leg bouncing.

“What’d she go to school for?” his voice is hoarse but it still works, and Usnavi lets out a breath.

Benny smiles and tells him.

 

\--

Miss Garcia rides the train with Ruben every day after his classes. She gets on after him and gets off before him, but he knows very little else about her. It’s relieving, in a way, because she knows just as little about him.

Instead he knows she’s sharp as a razor – clean and glittering and powerful. She’s intelligent, she’s beautiful. She becomes a friend, after weeks of thirty minute conversations spent dissecting anything around them. Ads in the tunnels, passengers on the train, and on one memorable ride, the status of Puerto Rico in relation to the United States.

“I’m glad you’re as mad about this as I am. My boyfriend is Dominican, he doesn’t really _feel_ it.”

Ruben’s students ask interesting questions and his coworkers are incredibly kind to him, but his train back to the Heights remains his favorite part of any workday.

 

\--

His favorite part of his weekends remains shopping at the bodega. Usnavi’s gentleness and enthusiasm win Ruben over. He even offers to cook Ruben dinner.

Ruben turns him down, blushing furiously. The offer tickles in Ruben’s stomach, but he knows he’s flattering himself thinking Usnavi would be asking like a date. It’s clearly a pity-offer, but he takes his groceries and revels in the idea that someone as cute as Usnavi would cook him dinner.

 

\--

On a sweltering day in May, Ruben learns something very interesting about Usnavi.

He walks into the store right as a coffee cup flies out of Usnavi’s hand, and then _flies right back into his hand_. Usnavi fits the lid onto the cup, hands it to Benny with a “Close call!” and Benny laughs as he brushes past Ruben to leave. Ruben feels his stomach burn and doesn’t know what to do with this information. He decides to follow his usual policy of _do nothing, say nothing._ He pulls the sleeves of his sweater down until he can curl his fists into the fabric. 

“Ruben!” Usnavi shouts. “Your usual?”

Ruben nods, smiles. He wants to keep up appearances of normality, but his brain is spinning. Did he just see Usnavi air bend? Maybe Usnavi just caught the cup, maybe he’s wrong.

“ _Lindo_ , something the matter?” 

“ _Hace calor._ ” Ruben says, ducking his head. In truth, he loves the heat. Usnavi lets him get away with his obvious lie, and if the hug he receives when he’s handed his coffee is tighter or longer than usual, well, Ruben isn’t going to complain.

 

\--

The day after, Ruben finds out something else about Usnavi.

“Ruben! This is my girlfriend, Vanessa. Y’all haven’t met yet.”

Miss Garcia sits at the counter, long legs crossed and long hair braided behind her. Her eyes are as wide as Ruben’s feel, her body rigid.

“Dr. Marcado?”

Usnavi slaps the coffee he’s holding down on the counter and it splashes over the lip of the cup. “Your Dr. Marcado is my Ruben?”

Miss Garcia – _Usnavi called her Vanessa_ – startles and looks down as the spilled coffee starts to soak into her leggings. She slides over and almost falls off the counter as she shouts “Your Ruben is my Dr. Marcado?”

Ruben hasn’t moved from where he stands by the door, his brain buzzing with _his Ruben? Her Dr. Marcado?_

Usnavi turns to look at him. “You’re a doctor?”

Ruben shrugs. “PhD.”

Usnavi looks impressed and Vanessa climbs down from the counter. She strides over and wraps Ruben in a hug, stating “This is weird as fuck and I’m super into it.”

Ruben laughs so hard his stomach hurts.

 

\--

Their relationship changes, that summer. Ruben spends his weekday afternoons with Vanessa still, but now occasionally they talk about themselves. On July 5th she sits down beside him and smacks a kiss against his cheek, telling him he’s a slacker for letting his students take the 4th off.

He spends his weekend afternoons sitting on the counter as Usnavi cleans or shelves products or does inventory. He shouts his half of their conversations and he starts to learn about Usnavi too.

He also spends some afternoons curled on the roof in a sweater and jeans as he sobs and sweats. He spends a lot of nights hungry, sick of the microwave meals and still unable to consider anything else.

 

\--

They make his life better, in lots of ways. Usnavi finally asks why Ruben doesn’t eat salads and wraps, those are easy to make. Ruben has a panic attack in front of the dressings at the grocery store but he’s grateful for vegetables that aren’t soggy. 

Ruben finally explains his long sleeves to Vanessa, explains the scars that make people look and wonder, and she introduces him to tinted moisturizer. He can still see the ridges, but it feels like lotion on his skin and at least it makes his skin all one color. She smiles at him after she smacks her traditional kiss on his cheek, telling him she likes his sleeves rolled up.

 

\--

By August, Ruben has noticed a few things.

They touch him a lot. More than their other friends – more than Benny or Carla or Daniela. Usnavi touches Sonny a lot when he’s home from college, but Ruben is the only person who gets kisses on cheeks or lingering hands.

Ruben wonders, and worries, and on a particularly memorable Sunday Usnavi kisses his cheek for the first time and it lands on the corner of Ruben’s mouth and Ruben loses the rest of his day to his slowly dissociating brain.

But this isn’t the only equation that doesn’t add up. The other equation is full of pieces like Usnavi fetching things from much higher shelves than he should be able to, or Vanessa turning to blow a woman’s hair out of her face on the train and the woman’s hair deliberately weaving back into her braid.

Little pieces that suggest a solution Ruben is terrified by. A solution that makes Ruben’s stomach curl hot with dangerous _hope._

Because for the first equation to work out how Ruben desperately hopes it’s working out, the second equation needs to work out too. He can’t even consider being with them if he has to hide himself. They see so much more of him than anyone else – some small section of his heart burns with the hope that they’ll see this too.

 

\--

Vanessa comes in to the bodega one Saturday morning while Ruben and Usnavi are leaned against opposite sides of the counter. She walks up and presses a kiss on Usnavi’s mouth, then turns to Ruben, touches his chin, and kisses his mouth too.

Ruben shocks her as he startles back and Vanessa touches her lips. 

“Ow, what the fuck?” 

Ruben hears Ian shouting at him in the car _“What the fuck, Ruben?”_ and the electricity in his skin is scalding. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry-_

“Ruben – RUBEN it’s okay!” Usnavi has come around to his side of the counter and is holding both of his hands and he flinches when Ruben shocks him too.

Vanessa’s face twists into something sad as she reaches out to Ruben again. “Ruben, I’m sorry, hey-“

Ruben flings himself back, slamming up against the counter. He wraps his arms around his stomach, pressing burning palms against his sides.

“Ruben, we’re okay. Do you know where you are? Are you okay? We’re okay.”

Benny taught Usnavi how to talk him down from a panic attack, but he always rambles his way through it. Ruben shakes his head. “I know where we are. I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t know if I am.”

Usnavi makes a familiar distressed noise and Vanessa says “Usnavi, hey.” 

Ruben sees her reach down and squeeze Usnavi’s hand, and Usnavi quiets. She moves to stand close in front of Ruben, and he lets her tip his chin up.

“I call it like I see it, right Dr. Marcado?”

Ruben feels a smile tug at his mouth. She rubs her thumb up his jaw and he finally meets her eyes.

“Why are you always surprising me, Miss Garcia?”

She smiles back at him, and he can see Usnavi smile over her shoulder.

“Do you want me to kiss you, Ruben?” It’s the softest Ruben’s ever heard her voice.

“I’m a fire bender,” is what he whispers back to her. She rubs her thumb against his jaw again and Usnavi takes a step closer.

“We’re air benders,” he whispers back. He reaches out and takes hold of one of Ruben’s hands.

Ruben nods. He takes a deep breath, feels the heat flooding his body and the electricity in his blood. His skin tingles where they’ve touched him – his jaw, his lips, his hands. 

He looks at Vanessa, looks at Usnavi. Smiles.

Usnavi’s smile grows into a full grin, and he takes another step until his shoulder is pressed up against Vanessa’s. 

“You already kissed him, Vanessa. My turn.”

Ruben feels a ghost of a breeze at the back of his head, pushing him forward to meet Usnavi’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 4 will be posted tomorrow afternoon. Thank you for reading. <3


	4. Sailors' Delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.  
> (An epilogue of sorts. A couple years later than parts 1-3.)

Usnavi does most of their cooking. Vanessa is killer at simple stuff – perfectly gooey grilled cheeses are a favorite of Ruben’s and Usnavi goes nuts over the burgers she grills on his little balcony – but Usnavi handles the bulk of the cooking.

Ruben enjoyed cooking, once. He still doesn’t spend much time in kitchens anymore.

But he’s perfectly comfortable grading lab reports at the kitchen table and keeping Usnavi company as he puzzles over the details of a new recipe. That is, until the quiet hum of productivity in their apartment is broken as Usnavi genuinely shrieks.

Ruben’s head snaps up and notices instantly that the food in one of the pans has caught fire. Usnavi shoots a puff of air in its direction, but the flame merely wobbles and stands up again.

Before Ruben can think about what he’s doing, he moves to the stove and holds his hand over the fire. He pushes his palm down and closes it into a fist, snuffing out the flame. Usnavi looks around for the smoke detector, casting a little bubble of air around it. The smoke coils around Usnavi’s bubble and is sucked out the open window, clearing quickly. The bubble disappears as Usnavi turns to look at Ruben, standing rigid in front of the stove with his hand still out in a fist.

“That was, holy shit Ruben, that was _incredible_!” Usnavi grabs Ruben’s face and smacks a kiss against his slack mouth. Ruben breathes out harshly at the contact, still staring at his fist as he opens it. 

“I had no idea I could do that,” he says quietly.

Usnavi’s excited grin softens and he gives Ruben’s open palm a squeeze.

The door to Usnavi’s apartment opens and Usnavi turns to shout, " _Vanessa_ you won’t _believe_ what Ruben just did!”

 

\--

Ruben goes from having very little sexual experience to suddenly having two partners. He knew sex was intimate, he knew sex was messy, he even knew sex was bad sometimes. But he didn’t know sex was so light, and he didn’t know sex could be _this good_.

They learn boundaries – both those they negotiate before-hand and those they drive straight over and have to go back and paint brighter. A small part of Ruben worried he would be the only one with boundaries, so he’s grateful to learn Usnavi and Vanessa’s. It helps when he realizes that discussing boundaries leads to fucking amazing sex, because knowing what buttons to avoid leads him to what buttons to _push_.

Blowing Usnavi while laying underneath him is terrifying, blowing him while laying between his legs is fine, but walking Usnavi back and having him keep his back and palms pressed against the wall while Ruben sinks to his knees to blow him is so hot Ruben almost comes in his pants the first time they do it.

Fucking Vanessa on her hands and knees makes Ruben so uncomfortable he has to stop. Fucking her while she straddles his lap with her skirt hiked up around her waist is mind-blowing but so is the feeling of her fucking him with her fingers and promising that for his birthday she’ll buy a strap on.

And as much as Ruben loves being overwhelmed by them, he also revels in the days when he tells them _no_ and they listen. Or the days when he jerks himself off with a hand woven into Vanessa’s hair and a foot pressed against Usnavi’s thigh as he goes down on Vanessa – the days when he’s _there_ but not _involved_ and what did he do to deserve two people who understand him so deeply? Who trust him and don’t question him about his limits or beg him for things he refuses?

Who forgive him even when he forgets himself and bites a scalding kiss into Vanessa’s thigh or leaves bright pink fingerprints around Usnavi’s waist. 

The first time Usnavi fucks him he has to pause and catch his breath halfway through so he doesn’t set the sheets on fire with how much electricity is running through his clenched fists. But then Usnavi pulls out and sits up and helps Ruben sit up with cool kisses puffed all over his face and cool hands on his arms and Vanessa slides behind him to blow cool air down his spine until he feels like he can breathe again.

It’s hard to breathe around them, sometimes, but they’re glad to give him his breath back when he needs it.

 

\--

He gets an envelope from his mama. He’s surprised she didn’t just call him with whatever she had to say – they just talked last night. As he climbs the stairs back to his apartment he tears it open and unfolds her letter.

It’s short, just a few sentences in Spanish.

_Conejito-  
I wanted you to see this, and I didn’t want you to have an audience when you did.  
You’re safe, Ruben.   
I love you._

In the envelope is a newspaper clipping. Ruben stands in front of his apartment and reads about _Jason Cole, head of neurosurgery at Independence Memorial Hospital_ and _tragic accident_ and _drove into a tree while intoxicated_ and _died instantly._

There’s a picture of Jason, probably his employee ID from IMH. There’s a statement about his poor wife and son, a statement about what a loss he’ll be for the hospital.

Ruben folds the clipping carefully, putting it back in the envelope. His hands shake as he tries to open his apartment door. His heart is pounding, his hands are zapping with electricity. What’s he going to do?

Next thing he knows he’s standing in front of a different apartment. Vanessa throws open the door and nearly walks into him.

“Ruben?” she asks, shock clear in her voice. Ruben is looking somewhere at the level of her waist, the clipping folded neatly in his left hand.

“I need you to do something for me.”

Vanessa steps back, clearing the doorway.

“Ruben, can you come inside?”

Ruben follows her, feeling strangely cold. She shuts the door behind him, setting her purse on the floor and tangling their fingers together.

“What do you need?”

He holds out the clipping. She opens it one-handed, squeezing Ruben’s hand as she reads. He hears her breath hitch, a quiet _Dios mio_ after a few seconds.

“Is this him?” she asks quietly. Ruben nods.

“Can I hug you?” her voice shakes and Ruben’s arms shake and she pulls him against her, tucking his face against her neck and crushing the clipping in her fist against his back.

“Ruben, he’s gone.” 

Jason is gone. _Ian_ is _gone._

Ruben cries and cries, clenching his hands into Vanessa’s dress. She runs her fingers through his hair, mummering little things like _oh honey_ and _oh Ruben._

“I never hurt them.” Ruben insists. Vanessa leans back to look at his face. 

This feels important, swelling hot inside Ruben’s chest. “I _never hurt them_ , Vanessa. Blackout put Ian to sleep for years but it didn’t _hurt_ him.”

“I believe you.” She says. “Ruben, this isn’t your fault.”

Ruben chokes on a sob. “Vanessa, I didn’t hurt them. He hurt me because he was scared of me, but I didn’t hurt them.”

She nods. Ruben gasps around the ache in his heart, the phantom pain burning his skin.

“I need you to keep it. But I want you to hide it.”

Vanessa nods again automatically, but Ruben can read her confusion.

“I don’t want to get rid of it. If I get rid of it, I might convince myself I made it up. But I don’t want to accidentally find it again.”

She leans forward and presses a long kiss to his forehead.

“I understand. Step outside and call Usnavi? I know we were supposed to meet at his, but you’re already here so tell him the party’s changing locations.”

Ruben nods, huffing out a laugh. She opens the door for him and he pecks her on the lips before he steps out.

 

\--

Ruben wakes to the morning sun spilling across his back. He stretches and groans and feels Usnavi turn over to face him.

“You up?” Usnavi whispers. Ruben nods, and Usnavi giggles. “Vanessa isn’t. Figures.”

Ruben smiles in return, pulling Usnavi in for a kiss. The sun presses against his arms and Usnavi’s knee presses up between his thighs but pressing at the front of his brain is everything Usnavi doesn’t know.

He turns his head and catches his breath. Usnavi props himself up to look down at Ruben, eyebrows scrunched in concern.

“ _Que paso?_ ”

“Ian’s dead.” Ruben says. Usnavi tilts his head.

“Yeah? Your drug killed him. Like a light switch in Jason’s brain, right?”

“No, Navi. _Jason_ is dead.”

The news settles onto Usnavi’s face slowly.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Ma mailed me the obituary. He was driving drunk and hit a tree. Died instantly.”

Usnavi collapses back onto the mattress, looking out at the ceiling. “Holy _shit_ , Ruben.”

“I know. If the drug worked, Jason drove into the tree. If it didn’t, Ian was driving.”

Usnavi nods, and Ruben doesn’t question how much he understands.

“Doesn’t matter, does it?” Usnavi whispers. “They’re both dead now.”

The curtains shift in the breeze from the open window and a beam of sunlight streaks right across their bed. Ruben closest to the window, Usnavi and then Vanessa next to him. Usnavi’s thoughtful face, Vanessa still peacefully asleep. Rumpled blankets, clothes scattered.

“It doesn’t matter.” Ruben agrees.

 

\--

Ruben is okay with his scars.

Well, usually.

If he’s perfectly, painfully honest with himself he can admit that they’re not even all that ugly. Thin white lines outlining the peaks of pink that together make his chest and arms look like a sheet of flames. He’s not ashamed of them, necessarily.

The hard thing is how _noticeable_ they are. When people notice people ask questions and Ruben doesn’t want to tell anyone his story, much less the half-truth wherein he removes any mention of his bending.

The ones that bother him the most are those around his wrists. With his cuffs rolled, with the sleeves of his sweaters pushed back, when he reaches for something, when he shakes hands. Hell, even when he shifts his wrist to glance at his watch. White and pink zig zags, unmistakably unnatural. And the thicker white stripe on each wrist from when he melted the zip ties.

It’s Benny who gives him the idea, in a way. Ruben notices him as he walks into the bodega – Benny’s leaning against the counter and instead of showing Usnavi a new video of his and Nina’s newborn son, Benny seems to be showing off his arm.

“You makin moves on my man, Richards?” 

Usnavi blushes bright pink and Benny laughs, standing back up and turning to face Ruben.

“Nah, look, I got new ink.”

He does. It’s a fresh black cursive _M_ on the side of his arm, stacked under a faded cross and swirl.

“Big fan of the Mets?” Ruben teases.

Benny scrunches his eyebrows at him until he cues into Usnavi cracking up behind the counter and Ruben’s shy smile.

“It’s for Mateo. And it’s in Nina’s handwriting.”

Ruben smiles fully and Usnavi says “It’s sweet, Benny. I like it.”

“Me too,” Ruben reassures him. Benny finally returns his smile and reaches out to shove Ruben’s shoulder.

Ruben hears Usnavi’s sharp gasp, and Benny suddenly looks like he’s smacked him, but Ruben just shrugs and shoves Benny’s shoulder right back.

The day after, when he sees a coworker’s eyes dart down to his exposed wrists, he thinks of Benny’s _M._

A quick google image search, a quick google maps search, a quick check of his bank account and a quick phone call. 

Three days later when Ruben strips off his sweater to go to bed, he reveals the black forests now growing out of his wrists, up his forearms. Usnavi is speechless, Vanessa is impressed, and Ruben has never felt more powerful.

He’s a forest fire, after all. 

But he’s always been the forest too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, dears. <3


End file.
